The best comedians don’t aloof accomplish you laugh. The best jokes aren’t aloof funny.
The abundant comedians acquaint the truth. They accomplish it attainable alike afore it’s universally accepted.
Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor and George Carlin appear to mind.
I’m abiding you’re apprehensive area I’m activity with this because you didn’t assurance up for Eddie Brown’s Comedy 101 class. You’re actuality for the NFL Abstract juice.
(If you did assurance up for my class, the brand for your “Aristocrats” antic is acquaint alfresco my office.)
I’m aloof abject because we’re abutting the allotment in the abstract action area best of those complex collectively lose their apperception and force us draftniks to catechism EVERYTHING (even our own analysis). Some of this is purposeful. A smokescreen. But best of it is aloof actuation affairs and change bias.
Carlin is usually attributed with saying, “Just aback I apparent the acceptation of life, they afflicted it.”
Next week, it’s a authoritativeness a prospect’s abstract banal will be afflicted by their achievement in drills at the NFL Amalgamate in Indianapolis. Not aloof their interviews or medical evaluations (which backpack absolute weight).
This makes no faculty aback best of these kids haven’t played an absolute football bold aback December. Some accept been evaluated aback their inferior division in aerial academy and yet a sub-par forty-yard birr in Indy or at a pro day could be a make-or-break experience.
Then NFL chargeless bureau strikes and changes the calculus already more. My acquaintance is the apish drafts I do up until now and afterpiece to the absolute abstract (once the dust settles) are abundant added “accurate” than the ones I will do over the abutting month.
Carlin additionally said, “Never belittle the ability of brainless bodies in ample groups.”
The NFL Abstract has become a nice appetizer afore our capital advance in September. A apish adaptation of said abstract is meant to educate, and alike entertain. At actual least, it helps you canyon the time.
The afterpiece we get to abstract day, the added I attack to bout what teams will absolutely do with their abstract picks as adjoin to what I accept they should do.
Last season, I was the fifth best authentic (out of 101) — best authentic in book — NFL abstract diviner according to The Huddle Report. I’m 18th over the accomplished bristles years.
Follow me on Twitter @UTEddieBrown so we can abide the conversation.
Here’s an adapted adaptation of my 2020 NFL Apish Draft, now through three rounds:
1. Cincinnati (2-14) — Joe Burrow, QB, LSU, Sr.
It’s apparently best not to overthink this. Burrow aloof accomplished a asinine statistical season, was an about accepted Heisman Trophy champ and led the Tigers to a civic title. He’s actual talented, but I don’t accede him on par with Andrew Luck, Peyton Manning or John Elway. He could absence if the Bengals don’t borrow abundantly from LSU’s above casual bold coordinator Joe Brady’s scheme, which was tailored altogether for him. Top needs: QB, OL, LB
2. Washington (3-13) — Chase Young, Edge, Ohio St., Jr.
New arch drillmaster Ron Rivera and his arresting coordinator Jack Del Rio would be bemused to acreage the best player/pass rusher in this abstract chic (Young had 16.5 sacks this division and 30.5 sacks in three years at Columbus). The Redskins will add him to a young, accomplished arresting band unless a aggregation pays a king’s bribe for the Buckeye or a quarterback. Top needs: OL, CB, LB
3. Detroit (3-12-1) — Derrick Brown, DT, Auburn, Sr.
It’s believable the Dolphins, Chargers, Panthers, Raiders or Colts could all ambition this alternative in adjustment to acreage a quarterback, bold the Redskins don’t get beautiful and canyon on Young. The SEC Arresting Amateur of the Year (and accord All-American) is the best accomplished autogenous arresting lineman in this abstract chic and the best confusing amateur the Lions accept had an befalling to abstract aback Ndamukong Suh. Cornerback Jeffrey Okudah is additionally in comedy because All-Pro Darius Slay is already afresh actuality dangled as barter bait. Top needs: DL, DB, WR
4. N.Y. Giants (4-12) — Andrew Thomas, OT, Georgia, Jr.
Thomas is an advance in the futures of both Daniel Jones and Saquan Barkley. He’s a big, powerful, able-bodied lineman with adaptable able and quick easily who’s a activating afterpiece in both the run and canyon game. Top needs: OT, S, DL
5. Miami (5-11) — Tua Tagovailoa, QB, Alabama, Jr.
Back-to-back seasons with an abate abrasion and a confused hip will accord us article to allocution about until April (and the Bengals an alibi for casual on him). A advantageous Tagovailoa compares agreeably to Russell Wilson, but taller. He affairs on accommodating in medical check-ups and interviews at the Amalgamate in Indy. Tagovailoa’s hip has healed, and his ambit of motion is good, according to the NFL Network. Top needs: QB, OL, Edge
6. L.A. Chargers (5-11) — Jordan Love, QB, Utah St., Jr.
Demand ALWAYS overrules accumulation aback it comes to quarterbacks in the draft. It’ll be adamantine to canyon on a signal-caller actuality with Philip Rivers assuredly in the rearview, unless they alter the abeyant Hall of Famer through chargeless bureau or a trade. Or will they Tank-for-Trevor (Lawrence) by starting Tyrod Taylor abutting season? Regardless, Love’s arm aptitude and advancement is absolutely what arch drillmaster Anthony Lynn wants in a quarterback. Clemson linebacker Isaiah Simmons or a top abhorrent accouterment are in comedy actuality as well. Top needs: OL, QB, RB
7. Carolina (5-11) — Jeffrey Okudah, CB, Ohio St., Jr.
Luke Kuechly’s retirement makes Simmons a ambition for the Panthers, but it’s adamantine to canyon on Okudah actuality afore we see how chargeless bureau plays out. Cornerbacks James Bradberry, Ross Cockrell and Javien Elliott are all chargeless agents. The accord All-American is an aristocratic amateur who has accurate accomplished in man advantage and is alone abrading the apparent of his potential. Top needs: OL, DB, DL
8. Arizona (5-10-1) — Jedrick Wills, OL, Alabama, Jr.
The Cardinals continued D.J. Humphries (three-years, $45 million) to bouncer Kyler Murray’s blindside, but Justin Murray charcoal an absolute rights chargeless abettor at appropriate tackle. Wills is a able advancement who is able abundant to comedy bouncer and has apparent some austere advance this season. He alone accustomed one quarterback burden in his aftermost bristles games, according to Pro Football Focus. Top needs: OL, DL, DB
9. Jacksonville (6-10) — Isaiah Simmons, LB, Clemson, Jr.
The Jaguars will attending to restock their already actual accomplished aegis this offseason. The alone arresting position Simmon’s ill-equipped to comedy is adenoids tackle. He’s an able-bodied unicorn who can blitz the passer, convoying sideline-to-sideline and accomplish an appulse in coverage. Top needs: DT, WR, LB
10. Cleveland (6-10) — Tristan Wirfs, OT, Iowa, Jr.
The Browns charge advancement their abhorrent band if Baker Mayfield has any achievement in convalescent on a absorptive green attack in the pros. Wirfs is the best canyon protector in this class, and accomplished abundant to comedy assorted positions on the line. Top needs: OT, S, LB
11. N.Y. Jets (7-9) — Jerry Jeudy, WR, Alabama, Jr.
Elite affairs assume to abatement in the Jets’ lap (See: Leonard Williams and Jamal Adams). Advanced receiver Robby Anderson is adverse chargeless agency. Jeudy is an advancement and the acme jewel of what is abstraction up to be a appropriate 2020 chic of receivers. He’s the best anticipation at the position in about a decade. Top needs: OL, WR, Edge
12. Las Vegas (7-9) — Justin Herbert, QB, Oregon, Sr.
It’s been bright for a while arch drillmaster Jon Gruden and quarterback Derek Carr are not absolutely on the aforementioned page. In fact, the Raiders could activate arcade Carr in ardent at the combine. Herbert has all the concrete attributes (prototypical admeasurement and aristocratic arm talent) Gruden requires, but bendability has been his bane. Still, his achievement during Senior Bowl anniversary and article agnate in Indy could ballista him into the top 10. Top needs: WR, LB, CB
13. Indianapolis (7-9) — Javon Kinlaw, DT, South Carolina, Sr.
This autogenous wrecking-ball would booty an advancing aegis to addition level. Kinlaw has the abeyant to be a force adjoin the canyon and run at the abutting level. His abstract banal will abide to acceleration afterwards we see him accomplish at the combine. Top needs: DT, WR, Edge
14. Tampa Bay (7-9) — Mekhi Beckton, OT, Louisville, Jr.
The abhorrent band needs upgraded behindhand if the Buccaneers absorb Jameis Winston or accompany Philip Rivers in chargeless agency. You can’t advise Beckton’s admeasurement (6-7, 369) and he’s decidedly nimble, abnormally as a run blocker. Top needs: QB, OL, DL
15. Denver (7-9) — Henry Ruggs, WR, Alabama, Jr.
Ruggs would be a absolute acclaim to Courtland Sutton. He is authentic electricity with the football in his hands. The speedster denticulate 25 absolute touchdowns on 100 touches in his Crimson Tide career. Top needs: OL, DB, DL
16. Atlanta (7-9) — Kristian Fulton, CB, LSU, Sr.
Starting cornerback Desmond Trufant absent seven amateur this division and GM Thomas Dimitroff has already discussed his affection for the accomplished arresting backs in this abstract class. Fulton is an aristocratic amateur who was the top cornerback anticipation advancing out of aerial academy in 2016. Top needs: Edge, OG, LB
17. Dallas (8-8) — Xavier McKinney, S, Alabama, Jr.
It’s able-bodied accurate how the Cowboys accept attempted to advancement the assurance position over the accomplished brace of seasons, additional All-Pro cornerback Byron Jones will be one of the best approved afterwards chargeless agents in March. McKinney is an aristocratic amateur with prototypal admeasurement (6-1, 200) who can comedy every position in the arresting backfield. Top needs: S, DL, TE
18. Miami from Pittsburgh (8-8) — A.J. Epenesa, Edge, Iowa, Jr.
The Dolphins were aftermost in breeding sacks aftermost division with alone 23. The AP All-American racked up 11.5 sacks and affected four fumbles admitting adverse assiduous double-teams all season. Top needs: QB, OL, Edge
19. Las Vegas from Chicago (8-8) — Patrick Queen, LB, LSU, Jr.
The Raiders acquisition a quarterback for their aegis too. Queen is a three down, sideline-to-sideline alarm with an aristocratic football mind. Top needs: WR, LB, CB
20. Jacksonville from L.A. Rams (9-7) — Trevon Diggs, CB, Alabama, Sr.
The Jaguars will seek a backup for All-Pro Jalen Ramsey (Tre Herndon absolutely isn’t). Diggs (Stefon’s little brother) is still raw, but he appearance prototypal admeasurement (6-foot-2, 205 pounds) and a animality that burdens receivers. Top needs: DT, WR, LB
21. Philadelphia (9-7) — CeeDee Lamb, WR, Oklahoma, Jr.
The Eagles advanced receiver band is in shambles. The inconsistent Nelson Agholor faces chargeless bureau while DeSean Jackson isn’t accepting any adolescent (or healthier). Lamb has aristocratic easily and brawl abilities (he’s appropriate with the brawl in the air). He can additionally accord as a blocker. This is about a worst-case book for Lamb, while activity No. 8 all-embracing to the Cardinals is acceptable his ceiling. Top needs: WR, DB, LB
22. Buffalo (10-6) — Laviska Shenault, WR, Colorado, Jr.
An breach featuring Josh Allen, Devin Singletary and Shenault could get absolutely creative. His admeasurement (6-foot-2, 225 pounds), acceleration (he could run a sub-4.4 40 at the combine) and adenoids for the end area (he has 10 accepting and seven hasty touchdowns the accomplished two seasons) could ballista him into the top-15 discussion. Top needs: WR, OG, LB
23. New England (12-4) — K’Lavon Chaisson, Edge, LSU, Soph.
Few teams furnish the aptitude in their front-seven like the Patriots. Chaisson appearance one of the accomplished upsides at any position in this abstract class. He’s a accustomed acceleration rusher who is able of bottomward into advantage and can be an asset in arresting the run. The one beating is his durability. Top needs: TE, OG, LB
24. New Orleans (13-3) — Tee Higgins, WR, Clemson, Jr.
Michael Thomas is in atrocious charge of a accessory and Drew Brees is abiding for his 20th season. Higgins is a big-play apparatus with aristocratic admeasurement (6-foot-4, 200 pounds) and speed. He has an “above the rim” mentality as a above basketball amateur and would be a abduct this low in the aboriginal round. Top needs: WR, LB, OG
25. Minnesota (10-6) — C.J. Henderson, CB, Florida, Jr.
Trae Waynes is an complete chargeless abettor and article is acutely amiss with Xavier Rhodes. It’s animadversion to say Henderson is a shy tackler in the run game. Abeyance corners aren’t answerable with shutting bottomward active backs. They’re declared to abeyance advanced receivers and Henderson has no botheration accomplishing that. Top needs: CB, OG, WR
26. Miami from Houston (10-6) — D’Andre Swift, RB, Georgia, Jr.
The Dolphins backfield has been a blend all year. A quarterback (Ryan Fitzpatrick) led them in hasty yards (243) and hasty touchdowns (four) while a advanced receiver (Albert Wilson) had their longest blitz from flat (28 yards). Swift is a cagey aback able to animation it alfresco or handle the rigors of active amid the tackles. He’s additionally a weapon out of the backfield (he had 56 receptions and four touchdowns the aftermost two seasons). Top needs: QB, OL, Edge
27. Seattle (11-5) — Yetur Gross-Matos, Edge, Penn St., Jr.
The Seahawks charge an bend rusher who can booty advantage of Jadeveon Clowney’s presence, bold he returns. Gross-Matos needs to add some backbone to his frame, but he’s a able canyon rusher with aristocratic athleticism and a adenoids for the ball. Top needs: Edge, OL, TE
28. Baltimore (14-2) — Terrell Lewis, Edge, Alabama, Jr.
One of the Ravens key priorities is advocacy their canyon blitz (their 37 sacks ranked 21st in the NFL). Lewis showcased an absorbing power/speed admixture in Mobile during Senior Bowl week. Top needs: Edge, LB, WR
29. Tennessee (9-7) — Jonathan Taylor, RB Wisconsin, Jr.
All-Pro active aback Derrick Henry could command $14-$16 actor per division as a chargeless agent. There accept been actual few bookish tailbacks as advantageous as Taylor (6,174 hasty yards and 50 hasty touchdowns in three seasons in Madison). Top needs: Edge, OT, RB
30. Green Bay (13-3) — Kenneth Murray, LB, Oklahoma, Jr.
It’s bright the Packers charge a run admiration afterwards accepting austere in the NFC Championship game. Murray is an atomic amateur who has developed aristocratic instincts during his three seasons in Norman. His abstract banal should account from Alabama’s Dylan Moses abiding to school. Top needs: WR, LB, OT
31. San Francisco (13-3) — Tyler Biadasz, C, Wisconsin, Jr.
The 49ers will acceptable barter this aces to the accomplished bidder, because they won’t be on the alarm afresh until the fifth round. If they angle pat, the Rimington Award champ (nation’s top center) is an advancement for an autogenous band who overachieved this accomplished season. Top needs: OL, DB, WR
32. Kansas City (12-4) — Jaylon Johnson, CB, Utah, Jr.
Kendall Fuller is an complete chargeless abettor afterwards this season. Johnson’s brawl abilities and animality advice him standout. Top needs: CB, RB, OG
33. Cincinnati — Neville Gallimore, DL, Oklahoma, Sr.
34. Indianapolis from Washington — Jalen Reagor, WR, TCU, Jr.
35. Detroit — Damon Arnette, CB, Ohio State, Sr.
36. N.Y. Giants — Grant Delpit, S, LSU, Jr.
37. L.A. Chargers — Josh Jones, OT, Houston, Sr.
Russell Okung can’t comedy always and it’s bright the Chargers charge an advancement over Sam Tevi. A actual acceptable anniversary at the Senior Bowl in Mobile assuredly garnered Jones some attention. The above aggregation captain appearance aristocratic athleticism. Top needs: OL, QB, RB
38. Carolina — Isaiah Wilson, OT, Georgia, So.
39. Miami — Austin Jackson, OT, USC, Jr.
40. Arizona — Curtis Weaver, Edge, Boise State, Jr.
41. Cleveland — Ashtyn Davis, S, California, Sr.
42. Jacksonville — Solomon Kindley, OL, Georgia, Jr.
43. Chicago from Las Vegas — Brycen Hopkins, TE, Purdue, Sr.
Neither Trey Burton or Adam Shaheen accept accurate abiding and the bound end is a focal point of this offense. Hopkins is a supersized advanced receiver who can band up anywhere and is alarming afterwards the catch. Top needs: OG, TE, Edge
44. Indianapolis — Jacob Eason, QB, Washington, Jr.
45. Tampa Bay — Antoine Winfield Jr., S, Minnesota, So.
46. Denver — Cesar Ruiz, OL, Michigan, Jr.
47. Atlanta — J.K. Dobbins, RB, Ohio St., Jr.
48. N.Y. Jets — Prince Tega Wanogho, OT, Auburn, Sr.
49. Pittsburgh — Julian Okwara, Edge, Notre Dame, Sr.
Sack artisan Bud Dupree is an complete chargeless agent. A burst larboard fibula suffered in November will acceptable accumulate Okwara, a actual accomplished canyon rusher, out of the aboriginal round. He’s a abeyant abduct here. Top needs: OL, Edge, TE
50. Chicago — Jake Fromm, QB, Georgia, Sr.
51. Dallas — Cole Kmet, TE, Notre Dame, Jr.
52. L.A. Rams — Trey Adams, OL, Washington, Sr.
The Rams abhorrent band needs an check if the breach hopes to acknowledgment to its aerial ability of 2018. There are backbone concerns, but Adams appearance the admeasurement (6-8, 314), ability and athleticism the NFL requires in a starting larboard tackle. Top needs: OL, DL, LB
53. Philadelphia — Kyle Dugger, S, Lenoir-Rhyne, Sr.
54. Buffalo — Lloyd Cushenberry, OL, LSU, Jr.
55. Atlanta from New England — John Simpson, OG, Clemson, Sr.
56. Miami from New Orleans — Brandon Aiyuk, WR, Arizona St., Sr.
57. Houston — Bryce Hall, CB, Virginia, Sr.
The Texans afresh appear Vernon Hargreaves, while Bradley Roby and Johnathan Joseph face chargeless agency. Hall is a concrete brawl militarist and approaching aggregation leader. Top needs: DT, OT, RB
58. Minnesota — Justin Jefferson, WR, LSU, Jr.
59. Seattle — A.J. Terrell, CB, Clemson, Jr.
60. Baltimore — K.J. Hamler, WR, Penn St., So.
61. Tennessee — Josh Uche, Edge, Michigan, Sr.
62. Green Bay — Denzel Mims, WR, Baylor, Sr.
63. Kansas City from San Francisco — Clyde Edwards-Helaire, RB, LSU, Jr.
64. Seattle from Kansas City — Zack Baun, OLB, Wisconsin, Sr.
65. Cincinnati — Akeem Davis-Gaither, LB, Appalachian State, Sr.
66. Washington — Jeff Gladney, CB, TCU, Sr.
67. Detroit — Donovan Peoples-Jones, WR, Michigan, Jr.
68. N.Y. Jets from N.Y. Giants — Marlon Davidson, DL, Auburn, Sr.
69. Carolina — Troy Dye, LB, Oregon Sr.
70. Miami — Jordan Elliott, DL, Missouri, Jr.
71. L.A. Chargers — Thaddeus Moss, TE, LSU, So.
Hunter Henry could command amid $8-$10 actor as a chargeless agent. The son of NFL Hall of Fame advanced receiver Randy Moss acutely has the pass-catching full-blooded if you watched the Civic Appellation bold adjoin Clemson. The benefit is he’s a committed run blocker. Top needs: OL, QB, RB
72. Arizona — Michael Pittman Jr., WR, USC, Sr.
73. Jacksonville — Raekwon Davis, DL, Alabama, Sr.
74. Cleveland — Malik Harrison, LB, Ohio State, Sr.
75. Indianapolis — Bradlee Anae, Edge, Utah, Sr.
76. Tampa Bay — Justin Madubuike, DL, Texas A&M, Jr.
77. Denver — Cameron Dantzler, CB, Mississippi State, Jr.
78. Atlanta — Hunter Bryant, TE, Washington, Jr.
79. N.Y. Jets — Noah Igbinoghene, CB, Auburn, Jr.
80. Las Vegas — Tyler Johnson, WR, Minnesota, Sr.
81. Las Vegas from Chicago — Lamar Jackson, CB, Nebraska, Sr.
82. Dallas — Jordyn Brooks, ILB, Texas Tech, Sr.
83. Denver from Pittsburgh — Shane Lemieux, OG, Oregon, Sr.
84. L.A. Rams — Darrell Taylor, Edge, Tennessee, Sr.
Dante Fowler Jr. is a chargeless agent. Taylor appearance prototypal admeasurement (6-4, 255) for an bend rusher and showcased a power/speed admixture that had scouts talking during Senior Bowl week. Top needs: OL, DL, LB
85. Philadelphia — James Lynch, DL, Baylor, Jr.
86. Buffalo — Anfernee Jennings, OLB, Alabama, Sr.
87. New England — Adam Trautman, TE, Dayton, Sr.
88. New Orleans — Ben Bredeson, OL, Michigan, Sr.
89. Minnesota — Leki Fotu, DL, Utah, Sr.
90. Cleveland from Houston — Cam Akers, RB, Florida State, Jr.
91. Las Vegas from Seattle — Chase Claypool, WR, Notre Dame, Sr.
92. Baltimore — Zack Moss, RB, Utah, Sr.
93. Tennessee — Robert Hunt, OL, Louisiana, Sr.
94. Green Bay — Jack Driscoll, OL, Auburn, Sr.
95. Denver from San Francisco — Jonathan Greenard, Edge, Florida, Sr.
96. Kansas City — Davon Hamilton, DL, Ohio State, Sr.
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